Monday, March 5, 2007

So many things

We took Rece to his first movie yesterday. We saw Happy Feet! It was cute. There were a couple parts that scared him(for good reason). But overall he did really well. He would never sit and watch a movie at home but I think just with the size of it all he was in awe. He fell asleep toward the end but it was a really good experience.
And tonight Rece fingerpainted for the first time. I hadn't done it with him yet because he still puts everything in his mouth. But he really needs some craft and activity time. He is starting to get very bored during the day, so I said oh well if he eats it and just did it. It went great. He put his finger in his mouth at the very end while I was cleaning up and that was it. The only thing we had a problem with was that he started shaking his hands to paint went flying, but only a little. And he kept wanting more paint, but other than that he had fun and we have 4 masterpieces to show for it!

Ok, now I am going to b!tch and moan a little bit. But I think for good reason. Carmine's face is all scratched up. Rece has been hitting him a LOT!! I feel so bad for Carmine. He sees so much of the pack n play it isn't even funny. But the hitting happens generally when I am holding Carmine. But half of the time Rece just randomly walks up and smacks him and the other half he comes and gives him hugs and kisses and then hits him. Either way I am caught off guard and I am at the end of my rope with Rece. I just don't know what to do. I can give him 50 time outs a day and it doesn't seem to phase him. I don't want to spank, but even if I would consider it, I just couldn't hit him to teach him not to hit! It doesn't make sense to me so I am pretty sure it wouldn't make sense to him. I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO! I know eventually he will get used to Carmine and will grow out of it but poor Carmine suffers in the mean time. And it isn't just a jealousy thing because he does it to other kids. We are lucky to get invited back to playgroups. I don't even feel like I can be a good mom to either of them at this point. Rece, cause I have lost my patience with him with the hitting and don't know how to handle it. No one can give me advice, it seems like I am alone with the hitting. I know other 2 year olds hit, but where are they??? And even so do they do it for absolutely no reason and so often?? And Carmine, because he spends so much time in the pack n play. I can't put him on his play mat, swing, bouncy seat or anywhere else without very close supervision and even that doesn't even really protect him. I dont even see it coming when Rece hits him. I am at a total loss and all I could do today was cry to my sister. In the coming weeks I am going to try to get Rece involved in a couple of things, like gymnastics and I am going to start trying to do some type of craft or activity almost daily. But if anyone can offer any advice on how to make this easier on everyone please do.



Beth said...

It was too long to post...check your email!!! :o) Poor Carmine :o(

Michelle said...

I am a friend of beth's that has plenty of experience with chil violence! i have worked i a daycare setting and as a nanny for 3 years. there are so many children like that with hitting. be glad it isn't biting! i think that hurts much worse. you're right when it seems like there is no rhyme or reason. it usually just comes from some sort of really strong feeling that they get. i know that rece is still young, but i always used the"wow, you must be very upset to want to hit.(acknowledge his feelings)" if he is ever sympathetic to carmine-i.e. doesn't like to see him cry, feels bad when something happens to him, etc. play that up big time. make him feel a little guilty. maybe rece could play the role of protecter for carmine and it is his job to make sure nothing bad happens to him? also, what about (not sure how your husband would feel about this!) getting a baby doll for rece. teach him the correct way to care for it and what is and is not ok. alright, 1 more! catch him when he is being super nice (or just not mean) to carmine and make a huge deal. GREAT JOB rece!!!! i love how you are being so gentle with the baby!!!!! or, it might just be something that will have to play itself out. good luck!


Queen Bug said...

Lanie did this for a little while. I used the time out, taught her what "big trouble" means. And I tap (not hit) her on the hand and say "that's not nice." We tried to teach her what the word "nice" means. She's getting it...Have you tried sitting Rece down with Carmine, letting him hold him while you watch closely and when he goes to hit him, catch his hand and say "we don't do that?" Ultimately, I think a few days of that and Lanie got it. Maybe if Rece learns not to hit his brother, he'll stop hitting at playgroup.

You're a great mom... kids are challenging, and you'll get through this and laugh about it later.

Tonia said...

Thanks for the encouragement and advice. Unfortunately I have tried almost all of it...playing up the good A LOT, he has a doll-hugs it then throws it, he doesn't care when Carmine crys, we use the word nice ALL the time. He pounds on the keyboard all the time and we tell him to be nice or it will be taken. Now, he will pound on it, walk over to us and say Nice? then it gets taken away. I try to acknowledge his feelings but it is hard when he is laying next to Carmine all nice and then just reaches over and smacks him. He then looks at us with a surprised, what are you going to do, look! Unfortunately I think this is just something that will have to pass.

Maureen said...

This isn't really advice, but just my own experience with Connor who will be 3 in July. He is not a hitter, but he went through this awful stage where he would just get so mad about something that he would scream and then throw something. After much correcting, ignoring, time-out, talking about being mad, redirecting his attention, etc., it finally paid off and he has not had one of his little tantrums in months. I think it just takes time for discipline to take effect (just my own dumb theory). I know this is probably no help for you b/c in the meantime, poor little Carmine is getting torn up, but maybe if you take a zero tolerance stance with Rece, and keep Carmine in the P n P for a while, it will sink in with Rece and the problem will go away. Connor is doing really well with Audrey now (she's 4 months), except for when she cries while we're in the car. He freaks and I usually end up with 2 screaming babies until we get to where we are going. Good luck with your guys. Both are so adorable!